I had a major breakdown yesterday which took me by total surprise. One minute I was fine and the next minute I had legit snot and tears rolling down my face and I couldn't stop.
Our twins are now seven days old and this week has gone by extremely fast. I went from chilling at home on moderate bedrest to major surgery, pumping breast milk every three hours and talking to 3 different doctors 3 times a day.
What We're Working on
Both babies are pretty much working on the same things. They are both on ventilators but Jackson needs a little more help breathing in which he is receiving more air. Originally he was not on the ventilator at all but they found that he needed some help breathing. They are both receiving nutrition via IV but Jameson is also taking my breastmilk and by the end of his first week he is up to 6ml every 3 hrs. Jackson was on feedings but with his recent challenges he has been taken off breast milk. When they first arrived to the NICU, they were Jaundice or had too much bilirubin in their blood. To treat this, a special fluorescent blue light (or the blue light special as Jay and I like to call it) is placed directly on them. This is called phototherapy in which the skin absorbs the light and helps get rid of the bilirubin. They were only under the light for about 3 days. Most of the next few weeks will be just letting them rest and grow.
As mentioned earlier, I had a major break down and this is part of the reason why:
On Wednesday afternoon I received multiple calls back to back from the doctors about Jackson and it sent me over the edge. To make a super long story short a list is below:
• A small brain bleed
• Air in the lungs causing one side to compress
• Adding a chest tube
• Fluid in lungs
• Maybe infection in lungs
• Low blood count and blood transfusion
• Maybe larger brain bleed
All of this information I received in less than 15 minutes and I lost it. I mean uncontrollable crying for hours. The one thing I kept thinking about is he is so tiny and how can he handle all of this and handle treatments. But he is handling it! Doctors said the one way to know if Jackson is in any pain or uncomfortable is by looking at his vital signs. All of his signs were completely perfect. Overnight a lot of these things have improved. I am currently waiting to hear back about the bleed in his brain and if he has an infection. That will be in next weeks post.
• Being able to watch them move around and seeing their personalities. Jackson is definitely the feisty one and Jameson is supper laid back. I cannot believe these little people were in my belly.
• Watching Jay change their diapers
• I was able to feed them through their tubes
• I can hold Jameson
• Receiving some awesome mini boxing gloves that were given to us by one of the NICU nurses
How are Mom and Dad
We are ok for the most part. I think the only reason I am semi sane is because of Jay. I'm not much of a cryer or an emotional person. I've only really had about 2 major breakdowns in my adult life so I know it was super weird for Jay to see me cry like this but he was there.
We are also constantly checking each other for signs of postpartum depression. Did you know Dads can get it too? It needs to be talked about and I am purposely being open with my emotions.
We are so blessed to have friends and family to step in when we need them. We haven't had to cook all week, there is someone always at my bedside watching me and there is someone always texting making sure all 6 of us are ok and not to forget all the visitors Jackson and Jameson are getting. They are truly loved.
How are Brother and Sister
Carter and Jada are doing just fine. My family drove here and brought them back to Ohio with them so they are having a great time. It's a blessing because with this c-section I need time to heal and no healing will occur running after a toddler.
Carter is aware that something is going on and Jada I believe is over us. She wanted a sister and instead I popped out not just one but two brothers. She will soon realize just how lucky she is.
I will soon share my birth story! In the meantime checkout my 26 week pregnancy update and see how I was doing before these little boys came. If you've asked me about my registry, the link is below. As always I appreciate every one of your kind words and encouragement. Please continue to pray for our big little family.